you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
