I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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