DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
