Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize