And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
