Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
