i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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