The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize