gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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