exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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