I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize