I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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