Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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