i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
