i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
