I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
