You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize