I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hippo gnu deer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
