The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
