i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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