Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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