I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you will always have a special place in my vag
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
