I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Your cock deserves a montage
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
