I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
