I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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