Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
