Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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