No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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