This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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