her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
