I wish I could punch you in the face.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
