dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
