Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
