By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize