I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
