so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
