Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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