I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
