I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize