I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
These tits shall not be calmed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
