i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
