Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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