why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
