3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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