i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
