that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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