you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
