He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
