it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
