Umm I'm too high to move.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
