I'm really into asian looking animals
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Acid is not a monday night drug
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
