i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
