i was born a porn star she said
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
