You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
