He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
