shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
