I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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