official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
