it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
