dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
