Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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