so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
